Heyaa folks.

how are you? I hope you are all doing fine.

Lately, I’ve been feeling no direction, no idea. As my post before, i have my impostor syndrome which i bet everyone also have.

i’ve been feeling so clueless, isolated, and afraid to talk to anyone. *might be sounds over dramatic and/or i am over-reacted.

I can not or i am afraid to start a convo with anyone. Either they just gonna be there to judge or listen *and might be judge me silently.

It’s so funny, when people that know me before. They told me that i am-extrovert-easy-going-to-be-friend-with, but now all i do, i don’t want to talk to anyone.

It’s terrifying.

so… this couple months, i kinda have struggle with my work. It makes me afraid of losing the job and hope that i wanted. Also i find some bumps on the road.

my communication with someone that i close with (like… he is someone that i contacting regularly before and the only one that i feel special for.. or maybe I’m just too dumb to make those things created on my mind). We never contacting like we used to. Which also made me cruel.

all i have now in my mind. Nobody loves me. Even i hate myself now.

It hurts more. I can’t even love myself. I feel like, i am not good enough. I am not worthy. I am useless.

I’m not sure how to act or to respond about what i am feeling right now. I feel alone. Eventho i am getting use to go out alone. But here inside myself, i just don’t know why i am feeling so terrified and cruel.

there’s a lot of chaos in my mind. I can’t process it.

what would you do if nobody loves you, including yourself?

–Dearmariana–